One day Noah was walking down the street when he heard, what he thought was a cat in major distress.

He listened and looked to see if he could find where the noises were coming from.

“The game is afoot”, thought Noah to himself, slipping into Sherlock Holmes mode.

He spied some movement in the window in the house across the road, which from the Silhouette, appeared like someone was sawing off something. Noah gasped while he pictured the shadowy figure holding a cat and trying to saw off its head.

Belinda, who was now peering out the window, saw a puzzled Noah approaching. “Ah a loving audience” Belinda thought. So she played her violin with even more enthusiasm.

Now Noah was really concerned as the Cat he thought he was hearing, sounded like it was in it’s final death throws and he dashed towards the house as fast as he could.

All of a sudden, Matilda appeared at the door and as she opened it, the screams of the Cat became even louder.

“Hi I’m Matilda” said Matilda.

“Yeah, I’m Noah” said Noah. What’s happening to your Cat? It sounds like it’s in incredible pain.

“Oh that.” said Matilda. “That’s just Belinda playing the violin. It’s not the Cat that’s in pain, it’s everyone else around here that has to listen to her!”

“Ah” said Noah. “That kind of explains it”. Wishing he could stick his fingers in his ears, but that wouldn’t look cool!

Belinda peered out the window to see that her audience had left and so she stopped playing. Which was promptly followed by a shout from Matilda standing at the front door who said “Thank goodness for that, the RSPCA is here!”.

“Who is at the door?” asked Belinda not quite getting the joke.

“It’s Noah” said Matilda.

“Hello Belinda”, said Noah as Belinda made an appearance at the doorway and Noah was now feeling quite relieved that his ears were no longer being punished. “I hear you are into making people think that your cat is being forced to watch ‘Neighbours’?”

“Oh I can play the theme song to that” said Belinda which was followed by a very loud chorus of “No it’s OK” from both Noah and Matilda.

“So, do you like my playing?”, Belinda asked Noah.

“Yeah, I’ll be your agent and we’ll record a Top 40 of Belinda Classics” said Noah, “It’ll be a huge hit”.

“Oh goody!” said Belinda

“Yeah” said Noah, “it’ll be huge a hit with Deaf people”.

“You are such a CunnyFunt” said Belinda sadly.

“Yeah I am” said Noah smiling.

Note: No Cats were harmed in the writing of this latest adventure.

Noah was sitting at the bus stop, when who should appear.. Wendy.

“Hello Wendy” said Noah.

“Hello Noah” said Wendy. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m waiting for Christmas” said Noah.

“Oh you are such a CunnyFunt Noah” said Wendy.

“Don’t you mean a bus?”

“Ah, yes” said Noah, never wanting to state the obvious as was the habit of all CunnyFunts.

“Are you going somewhere?” asked Wendy.

“No” said Noah. “I thought I’d just come down and read the bus timetable and see if the buses actually followed it!”.

“Ah” said Wendy, growing tired of all CunnyFunts and their CunnyFunt ways.

“Well I’m off to the Circus” said Wendy. “Do you want to come along”.

“Yes” said Noah.

Wendy waited for Noah to say something else but he never did. Instead he looked rather excited about going to the circus.

But then Noah had to speak…

“Are we going to see your relatives?” said Noah

“Relatives?” said Wendy puzzled.

“Yes, the monkeys!!” said Noah

“You are such CunnyFunt Noah”, said Wendy.

Noah smiled.

It was the weekend and Noah had invited Wendy over for a coffee.

As Wendy didn’t have a better offer from someone else, in fact she didn’t have any offers at all that day, she couldn’t say no.

So Wendy went over to Noahs and knocked on the front door. She didn’t trust the doorbell after last time.

She heard some loud bangs and what sounded like things breaking which ended with Noah finally opening the door.

“Hello Wendy” said Noah.

“Hello Noah” said Wendy.

Noah gestured to Wendy to come inside in a very gentleman like manner as he could sometimes do.

Wendy was suprised by this and was left feeling that this could be a good day.

Wendy went in to the kitchen and sat on one of the stools along the counter and could see Noah had been busy cleaning dishes which
must have been collecting for sometime. On the counter two of Noahs finest china cups were neatly placed on fancy saucers along with
a plate of biscuits, all very neatly arranged which Wendy knew for a fact would have taken him ages.

Noah went behind the counter watching where he stepped and Wendy could hear crunching noises as Noah seemingly was sweeping
something with his feet hoping to not be noticed.

“Ah that explains the crashing noises from before” she thought to herself.

“The kettle has just boiled Wendy, would you like a tea or coffee?” Noah asked politely.”

“Hmm think I’ll have a tea please Noah”, said Wendy

“Milk?” asked Noah with his put on posh voice.

“Yes please” replied Wendy smiling.

It was at this point where Noahs heart quickly sunk. He just realised that in his haste to clean the kitchen he hadn’t been down the shops
to buy any fresh milk. “When was the last time I got milk?” he asked himself.

“Oh well” he thought, this could be interesting. He reached into the fridge and saw the milk carton. He grabbed it and weighed it in his hand.

“Feels a bit heavy” he thought.

Putting his smile back on while dreading the worst, he placed the milk on the bench and proceeded to pour the tea into both of their cups.

“You did say milk didn’t you Wendy?” asked Noah , just to make sure as he picked up the carton.

“Yes please” said Wendy.

So Noah tilted the milk carton to a point where he was expecting some milk to come out and nothing happened.

Wendy stared at him and said, “Noah is that milk off? I don’t want lumpy milk in my tea thanks.”

Just as Wenday said that, there was a distinct ‘Blop Blop’ noise then a rush of smaller lumpy bits”.

Noah looked up and said, “One lump or many?”

Noah, you are such a CunnyFunt!

“Yeah I know” said Noah admiring the patterns of the lumpy bits splashing about on the counter top.

“How about a Biscuit?” asked Noah

Noah and the Meaning of Life

Noah sat down in his favorite chair in the lounge room where each evening, he read his newspaper to catch up on the news.

“There’s not much in this newspaper tonight”, Noah thought to himself. Which, in turn , got him thinking about a whole lot of things.

So he sat quietly, thinking…When all of a sudden “Who said that?” said Noah looking around the room wondering where the voice was coming from.

“Ok who said…”Who said that?” said Noah looking around the room wondering where the voice was coming from.?

Looking perplexed…”Yes I am a bit perplexed aren’t I?. Now who are you?” said Noah. “And stop saying what I said will ya!”

“Just Stop naratting” said Noah. “Ok that’s it. Who are you?. You aint the narator are you? Am I some story or something?”

“I must be going mad” said Noah.

Narator: “Hmm this is strange. So if I assume correctly, you can hear/see what am I writing?”

“Oh this is simply precious” said Noah in a fit of frustration! “There you go again! What do you think Mr Genious?”

“And are you telling me that I am just some story, and yes I said that so you don’t need to write down ‘said Noah’ all the time.”

Then all of a sudden Noah felt tired and wanted to go to bed… “oh no you don’t. You aint getting out of it that easily. I’m not tired, said me”

Narrator: “Well I must admit, I’ve never had any of my characters become ‘aware’ of my existance before, so this is a little new to me too!”

“Well good for you mate. Now what’s the deal? And why did you give me such a stupid name – why not ‘Brian’ or something?”

Narrator: “There’s nothing wrong with Noah for a name! I could make you into a Wombat if like and call you Wally.”

Narrator: “Look, if it helps, just plug your ears so I can get on with this story”

“Oh well excuse me! So I am just some story character huh! So I don’t really exist. Hey can you see what I can see?”

Narrator: “I have to cut in here Noah. Yes you do exist, you are as real as you want to be! And what can you see?

“Well I’m just looking out the window, there is a cute blonde walking her dogs – nice puppies!”

Narrator: “Ok stop that! It’s night time and you can’t see anything out of your window so stop making stuff up!”

“See you don’t like it do ya hotshot!” yeah yeah, said me!

Narrator: “How can we fix this?”

Noah thought for a moment. “Yeah yeah I’m thinking, give me a minute. Hmm ok, here’s the deal! You can keep on writing about me
if you give me a nice fast sports car and it has to be red, a swimming pool and lots of money so I don’t have to go to work and in return I’ll just ignore you. Deal? Oh and put something clever in the newspaper will ya.

Narrator: “Sounds fair”.

“Ok then, and one more thing. When can I stop being just a bunch of words and become a real cartoon at least?”

Narrator: “Well I can’t draw.”

“Well pick up a pencil and start learning… Guess that’s going to take a long time…Ok , give me the car, pool and money and let’s get going.”

Narrator: ” And you’lll stop listening in?”

“Promise, cross my heart and all that other stuff.”

Narrator: “ok then, starting………….now!”

Noah woke up the next morning covered by his newspaper, that had a whole lot of really good stories in it but Noah must have been too tired and didn’t see them.”

“There wasn’t any!”

Narrator: “Hey you promised.”

“Sorry said me, the most wonderful character in this story and not some loser narrator bloke.”

Noah got up and decided to go for a drive in his brand new shiny (bitch about that!) red sports car and took it for a drive.

When he came home he pulled into the driveway, but because he was being such a CunnyFunt with his ‘show off’ driving the brakes had failed.
So he crashed through his garage which started a fire setting the suit cases of money alight and ended up coming to rest in his brand new swimming pool.

Noah smiled, “Guess I’m not the only CunnyFunt around?”

Narrator: “umm nope!”

It was night time and Noah was tired this time and went to bed.

“Night everyone” said Noah

Narrator : “Night Noah, see you on the next adventure. We never did get to the meaning of life question”

“Don’t think I could stand it after all that” said Noah

The next morning Noah woke up and got out of bed….

Then his left leg fell off… Noah didn’t react at all to this. Seems he couldn’t hear any voices after all – it was just a bad dream.

Narrator : “His leg didn’t really fall off I was just testing him”.

Noah wondered why he had such weird dreams about a red submarine ending up in a swimming pool he didn’t have!

“I’m such a CunnyFunt” thought Noah” Which he always will be!